In memory of Cole

GRIEF AFTER TRAGEDY STRIKES

HOW A MOTHER FEELS WHEN FEELS WHEN THEY LOSE A PART OF HER HEART

This is so hard to put into words, how we feel after losing my darling Cole. When you hear the door bell rings when its getting late you slowly move towards the door,hoping and praying that it is not bad news especially when you have tried to call his cell phone and all you get is "the cellular customer has their cell turned off". Just knowing in your heart that your son wouldn't turn the phone off because that's the reason he carried the cell.We always kept communications open.In case of emergency... I get to the door with all these things running through my head.I slowly open the door to see two RCMP Officers standing there with their hats in their hands. They ask if they can come in their voices.I asked them to come into the living room. They followed me into the room and with much sadness in his eyes Constable Duggan asks me to please sit down.Continuing to say there was an accident on Sackville Drive at about 10:15 p.m. The car you son was a passenger in went off the road and collided with an utility pole.I cried "IS HE OK?"He said "I am to have to tell you that your son Cole was in the back seat and he didn't make it". "I screamed are you sure ? go back and get him out of that car!!! He went on to say " I am afraid its too late the car had caught on fire a few minutes after it crashed!!! I was in shock numbness took over my body from one end to the other I couldn't think I could hardly breathe. It was so unthinkable to take in and understand what they were saying, that just a few short hours ago he had went through the door and now they are telling me that I will never see my baby again. I started to cry and go into panic mode it felt like someone had punched me in the stomach and just knocked the wind out of me. Screaming this can't be true! I can't except this over and over again. My heart was pounding in my chest and my blood pressure went sky high I could feel the tight band around my head.. Mean while Staff Sargent Beaton asked "Is there anyone else home here with you?" I said my husband George is up stairs in bed" He started slowly to climb the stairs not really wanting to go and tell a dad that his son was killed... It has to be the hardest part of an officers job. He went into our bedroom and said "George George George are you awake? There is something that I have to tell you. George woke up and said surprised to see a RCMP Officer standing in our room, What did I do? "Only half awake and a little groggy, The officer said "Please set up there is something I have to tell you sir, I am sorry to have to tell you this but your son Cole was killed tonight on Sackville Drive. George could not believe what he was hearing, he stumbled out of bed and down the stairs with tears in his eyes in disbelief. He rushed over to where I was sitting engulfed in tears sitting beside me trying to comfort each other. There were things about the accident that George was told that I would never find out because it was too gruesome for a mother to take about her own son...

PART 2
The next day was about the same the same numbness and disbelief and lost of tears were shed. How was we supposed to go on with out Cole? He was such a great young man, he would do anything for us with out asking why? To lose a child is the worst part of living, you always think that your children will always be here and you will be the ones to pass on first. My emotions were on high alert. George told me I had to get a grip on myself Ginny. There is nothing anyone can do or say to bring him back. He's in heaven now with Jesse and all our relatives that passed on before us. I knew what he was saying was right, it was so hard to get a grip on reality now. I had not only lost my first born seven and a half years ago but also had lost my second born Cole was gone too. He would never walk through the front door again,I would never see him walking up the street, I would never hear him say "Mom can I ask you a question? "Cause Cole and I had a very close relationship we shared a lot of things.I had always told him if he needed me just ask and I would be right there to help him in any way at all.I think that is a part that I will miss as well as his sweet smiling face and cheery laugh.I would also miss his big strong arms wrapped around me and saying "I love you mom".

PART 3
Funeral arrangements had to be made but not before the coroner called to release his body. They asked " where can we get the name of Cole's dentist cause we will need his dental records so we can identify him..For that was the only way cause he was burnt so bad beyond recognition! It is recommended that you have your son Cole cremated cause that's the only way. So that's what we did, we were both so numb and in shock that we did like we were told.Cole's body was not released for the morgue until the following Sunday. His wake was held Monday night at T K Bernard funeral home. The day of the funeral we were like zombie and all we could do was cry. Cole was very well loved. It show at the funeral,The church was packed to over flowing capacity. There were over 500 people there to pay their last respects to a wonderful, kind respectful, and out going to all.He touched the lives of many peoples hearts and lives . He will always be remembered. His ashes were laid to rest in the Fern-wood cemetery in Middle Sackville.Just before Christmas his head stone was laid on his burial place in his memory.I will never forget that day I cried over the stone for 45 minutes on my hands and knees.It is a thing of beauty, for there is a picture of Cole laser ed on one side of the stone and a kneeling heavenly angel on the other.

PART 4
This is the part of our lives that changed and will never be the same again! - Missing Cole never to hear his voice again. -Longing to see him walk through the door. -Knowing he will never come home again -Seeing young people on the street and wishing it was him. -Passing the crash site seeing the scorched pole and knowing that pole and recklessness on the the drivers part took him from me.. -A lot of anger and hurt in our hearts.. -Panic attacks know he is gone and try to fight them off.. -People coming up to you and saying "I am so sorry for your loss and lots of hugs.. -Getting calls and cards from people you don't know wishing you their condolences..and asking "is there anything I can do?" -Cards and letters from all over the Mari-times. Getting a call after the funeral that all your expenses have been made for the funeral as well as the memorial stone.(Parker Rudder-ham) -People bringing food to the door which was another blessing! -Thats what comforted us in our time of grief .. -Going into Colas room and finding dirty clothes under the bed and the feelings of coming unglued... -Hanging his favorite suit on the wall cause he wasn't able to be buried in it cause of cremation.. -Changing his bed weekly not realizing that he would never sleep there again.. -Just lying on his bed brings me comfort of some kind while crying my heart out over his being gone.. -Lighting candles in my window in his memory and saying prayers.. -Sitting in the basement waiting to come down over the stairs to go to bed cause that's where his room ,and laundry room as well as setting room was located.. -Out in public you see people looking at you with great sadness in their eyes, some would come up to you and hug you in comfort.. -Trying to find closure and can't because there was no body to say your last farewells and kisses... -Just an urn of ashes and that's no way to say good bye to your son... -Just looking at his pictures cause me to panic knowing never to hold him or see him again... -This was all stolen from our family cause of one night of speeding and trying to be cool racing with recless driving... -SOME ONE HAS TAKEN A PART OF US THAT CAN'T BE REPLACED... -So please in Cole's memory don't speed and drive recklessly, you never know when it could happen to you or someone that you know Going through life with someone's death on you conscience is not an easy burden to bear for the rest of your life... ON ANOTHER NOTE THE BURDEN WE BEAR TODAY WILL FADE WITH TIME CAUSE WE HAVE ALL HIS MEMORIES IN OUR HEARTS THAT'S WHAT WE HAVE LEFT TO HOLD ON TOO AND NO ONE CAN THAT THESE FROM US...

Virginia Crawley (aka Angel 49 ) George Crawley ( aka Dad ) Jeremy Parson (aka Little Brother )

Click here to continue